Exmortes

Exmortes was a talentless one man band formed by Jan List in 1988. His music has frequently been described as "raw black noise" (a subgenre of black metal, which is a subgenre of heavy metal, which is a subgenre of rock originally influenced by the blues...) His first EP, the appropriately titled "****kin' Nightmare" was released in 1989. The entire production job is a mess, as well as the actual music. It was probably recorded on a four track tape in his mother's basement, which makes me wonder what happened between the recording of each song...

 

Mom: "Jan, can you please keep that down? I'm trying to make your dinner!"

Jan: "MOM! I'M RECORDING MY DEBUT EP! THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

Mom: "Oh, you and your fantasies..."

Jan: "I'M SERIOUS!"

Mom: "You can record your noise after dinn..."

Jan: "I HAVE TO RECORD THIS NOW!!!"

Mom: "SHUT UP! YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

 

    The drums sound like Jan is beating the living crap out of a cow from a local farm, as he plays some random blast beats, makes a mistake, stops for a second, and plays some more blast beats. The guitar sounds like he's playing all the wrong notes, as this cow is showing no mercy against him. The vocals are the most clear in the prodcution, as he has a unique vocal style of "mumbling into a four-track tape while you ruin your distortion petal by stepping on it way too much." The bass isn't even audible.

 

    Jan's songwriting is just as bad as his musical abilities. This has been proven by his decision to put random applause into the beginning of the EP's last track, "Destroyed Land" (it must have been about the farm he found the cow in...)

 

    In 1990, he released his second EP, "Hear the Saw... Coming Near". By now, Jan wasn't even trying anymore. He just growls his vocals into the microphone, repeats the same chord through a flanger for the duration of a song, and calls it "black metal". The only remotely positive thing I can say about this is that the atmosphere is slightly creepier than the first EP.

 

    After this, Jan released the single "Lord of Temptation" and did a split EP with Apator, some guy who screamed random sentences about Satan into a microphone and decided it was black metal. After the release of the split EP with Apator, Jan finally called it quits. Thank God.

 

Listen to "Hear the Saw... Coming Near"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zJtdHjWYBc