Leviticus - I Shall Conquer

Usually, when I write articles for this site I discuss how bad a certain band is musically. But the band mentioned in this article is not one of the worst metal bands ever due to being bizarre or untalented. No, this band is in the Hall of Shame due to their packaging (as well as some of their lyrical content, but we'll get to that later.) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, LEVITICUS.

With my sexy muscles and mustache, I SHALL CONQUER THIS LAND!

Named after the last chapter of the Old Testament, Leviticus were a Christian metal band with similar lyrical ideas as Torn Flesh. I found this at a vinyl convention while browsing for some underground metal records. Once I encountered this record, I had stared in awe at the cover art. The thing was $12, meaning I had to spend over a third of my budget on this one album if I was going to buy it. Before making my purchase, I quickly scanned the back cover. There's no scan available on the internet, but it contains a picture of two band members performing. They're dressed in generic glam fashion, shirtless and with headbands and 80's pants. Their fashion sense, while not the best, still beats the infamous Stryper (who also happen to be yet another Christian band.)

The Lord is not pleased.

On the bottom of the back cover there is a review of the album by the manager of their record label which promises that the band's lyrics "cut like a two-edged sword" and "make their stance quite clear." If someone has to write a paragraph telling you that this record is supposed to be good, the contents inside must be really bad, I thought.

I had no idea what the record would sound like. The cover suggested overly macho, self induglent power metal (but for the Lord, of course) while their fashion suggested glam metal in the vein of those psycho, freaky human bees called Stryper...

On my way home from the convention, I opened up the sleeve. It contained all of the album's lyrics, featuring such gems as:

"I walk along, Yes, I walk on the road
Together with Jesus, together with Jesus"

"And your name, yeah, crushes every lie
And I will praise and adore your Holy name"

"When the Lord goes before His People
And fight against the dark, the earth and heaven shake
With the power of his might"

And best of all:

"I fear no evil, cause You are with me
Your rod and staff they comfort me"

When I actually put on the record I was disappointed. I thought this was going to be one of the worst records ever, but it ended up being a mediocre traditional metal record with Christian themes and lyrics. The singer's vocals were strained and mediocre, as well.

If you are still interested, you can listen to the album in its entirety at:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2B06A60ABC44C600&feature=mh_lolz